There are moments that take you by surprise with the amount of feeling they cause to rush through you. Some are more profound than others, but they’re all recognizable. I guess they’re emotional epiphanies. Sometimes, during an everyday moment, you catch a glimpse of how things really are. Like we’re all actors in this television show and that insight that rushes at you out of nowhere is like the director unexpectedly calling “CUT!”
I’ve had tons of these moments that have given me pause and I’m not going to rack my ever-tired brain trying to recall them now. But I will say that I had one tonight that was moving enough to get me to write. I’m pretty grateful for that since I’ve sort of fallen off the wagon when it comes to being a prolific writer. I was doing so well for a while there, and then, as it does, life got in the way. I’m fighting my way back. Honestly. I’m not giving up…
But anyway, I was brushing my teeth after my shower this evening, and standing in front of the sink in my pajamas. Husband was just outside the open door and we were laughing and talking about something ridiculous (as we often do). I was brushing away and I looked down at myself. I had on a thin, loose fitting tank top and no bra (it’s not as sexy as it sounds. TRUST ME). In the mirror I could see my blotchy, post-shower skin and the frothy blue of the toothpaste dripping from the corners of my mouth like a vampire who’d just fed on the entire Smurf village. I thought: This. Man. Loves. Me. Moreover, he loves me at my rawest. It’s like for a split second I’m 14 again and I can’t believe I’m standing there with my boobs hanging freely and almost under my arms, slobbering on myself, with another person in the room—let alone a man. But that’s what adulthood is. That’s what marriage is. What love is. You’re able to be yourself around another person, to the most extreme limits. It’s both weird and awesome. I mean, if you really think about it.
So I had this little moment of recognition and as I do every time one smacks me in the face, I thank it. I’m grateful for the insight, for knowledge, for the chance to really appreciate what it’s showing me.