Now, I Am 35

Now, I am 35. Officially, at 11:55pm (August 15). A few things have crossed my mind today.

1. I will get what I HAVE to get done today and then I will do nothing but enjoy myself.

I rarely take a day off from everything. The guilt isn’t worth the lazy. Today I felt vindicated in do so. One day a year I let myself off the hook. I’m not saying I’m not lazy more than I should be, but this is the one day I don’t beat myself up about it.

2. I’m half-way to 70.

Thirty-five years has gone by and I’m supposedly an adult. I still don’t feel like it. I wonder if I ever will. A lot of days, 16 doesn’t seem like it was almost 20 years ago and that makes me worry that I’ll blink and the next 35 years will go by without me noticing. I have what I feel like is an abnormal awareness of my mortality. Not sure if it’s a residual effect of being deeply depressed for the majority of my life where I thought about life and death a painful amount, but it’s always there. It can make me overly-anxious about all the projects I can’t find the time to get done, the people I don’t make the time to see, the dreams I have yet to realize.
So, I’m making a plan, because that’s what I do. I want to accomplish more in these next 35 years. Realistic goals seem like a good start. A healthier lifestyle is in the cards as well. There’s no knowing what’s down the road, but I’m hoping for a fulfilling drive.

3. My Biological Clock is Winding Down

After years of being asked if I was going to have kids, getting married and then basically being EXPECTED to have them, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Most people seem to think being over 30 means you’re past your baby-having prime. That’s absolutely not true. Even at 35, it’s not too late. However, I’ve made the choice not to have any kids so this school of thought can only be beneficial. I’m so over hearing that I should have kids, that I should want to. I’m guessing that as the questions of when will I will be replaced with why I didn’t. Guess it’s time to formulate a new response.

4. I’m Very Lucky

After all this time, I’ve been lucky enough to stumble onto some pretty fantastic people. Other than my mom, brother, and grandma, my family hasn’t been close. I’ve supplemented with an amazing husband and great friends. I hope to hold onto them for the duration because without love and friendship, living to 70 won’t mean much.

I’ve learned a lot in 35 years. Mostly because over half that time was spent in school. But the valuable life lessons that smack you in the face in your 20’s are indispensable, turning 30 humbling. I’m looking forward to making some changes and setting into motion the next, hopefully best years of my life.

~L~

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